Watching a movie on Lifetime TV channel... "television for women" is their motto. This one is about a mother and a daughter. I switched it on after the introduction so missed a lot of the story, but could see that the daughter Vanessa is suicidal and hurting, and the mother is distraught and unable to help her. I am wondering what happened to upset Vanessa so much that she would scream "go away!" to her weeping mother, and then ingest a handfull of poison pills.
Remembering when I went through the big change with my own daughter when she was 14. How she seemed so suddenly to be a stranger...swept away and out of my influence...so angry... so cold. I wept before the invisible wall that went up between us. We separated and many years went by when we did not connect.
At first I found myself wishing I knew what the story was that I had missed in the movie. But then I realized it didn't really matter. Because I saw the universal Kore/Demeter/Persephone dynamic - again. How every mother and daughter, on some level, goes through this transformation. And how the world creeps in and gets between us. Because thedaughter must claim her ownpersonhood, struggle like the seed that pushesupwards against the earth to reach the light and grow to fullness... and sometimes her mom is a part of what she struggles against... or the parts ofher relationship with her mom that no longer fit her. And mom finds that her usual form of mothering now suddenly seems ineffective and unwanted... she can feel powerless, useless, frightened for her daughter.
It was while I was going through that upheaval with my daughter that I was writing "Myth of the Kore," a ritual theatre piece I sometimes call my "magna opa"... :0)
Tonight I am thinking about this spring season and how these themes of mothers and daughters come up at this time. The Goddesses too are going through this change, as they do every year. And I'm asking myself, would this rite of passage be so painful and traumatic for women if we lived in a matriated world? (matriated - de-masculated- that is, made into a society that honors nurturing, compassion, tenderness, creativity, passion, cooperation and other things considered "female...")
One of the reasons I wrote the Myth is because I realized that mothers and daughters could use a ritual at this time. I'm sure the ancients must have realized this, and it seems that even in the patriarchal version of the Persephone tale, there is an opportunity for mother/daughter ritual.
I wrote my version with this in mind, and so of course I had to take out the rape and the power-over male presence. What if women were to enact a ritual that addresses the struggle and the darkness in the mother/daughter change... yet without the patriarchal parts. And includes joy and resolution, love between Maidens, Mothers and Crones, fulfillment for the Maiden becoming her Self, and the Mother re-becoming her Self...reunion and resurrection in the end?
Now my daughter and I are close again. We have come full circle. We are two separate adults with lives of our own... and we are deeply loving of one another. In a way we did enact the Myth, in our special unique way... it just took a lot longer. :0)
But we have not transcended patriarchy. My daughter continues to embrace conservative Christianity and to make sure I don't have a witchy influence on my grandaughter. There's that wall again...still there ina way. It hurts because it would give me so much joy to be a magical Goddess-grandma for my beautiful grandaughter. Yet, since my cancer,I have seen signs ofthe wallbeginning to break down. We still have a ways to go, but I am hopeful and optimistic. Hey if the Berlin wall could come down, why not ours? I guess our rite of passage is still in progress, huh? <g> Perhaps it never really ends...